where's the roof? no roof for me to climb up to and throw my worries away, or just to lift my mood. been moody these two days, no idea why. i still get irritated easily, and i'm petty over little things. i don't like that. i try to change it. i talk to myself in my head and try to get myself out of doing stupid meaningless things. it makes me wonder why some people know what's wrong with them but refuse to make any attempt to change it. especially when they've admitted it to the whole world. and they still say "can't help it..." what's wrong? trying to find excuses? nope, it's not even an excuse, hello... ok, i think this entry is getting a little too philosophical for my style. watched Country Spirit vcds today. finished 8 cds in a day. this is such a feat... what's even more amazing is that i don't even feel sick with watching too much tv... maybe it's because i didn't lie down while i watch tv. and i got up during intervals to gt some water or go to the toilet. self-discipline is so important isn't it? then why doesn't my self-discipline come into play whenever it's supposed to? am i supposed to sit down and give some thought what to do for this long holiday? instead of finish watching all my vcds and dvds before i start thinking, and then waste all my time away? should i get a job? if i get one, i'll have to take leave for a week halfway through. that's not good... but should i like at least try and place my name somewhere first? and see if they allow it if i take leave then? or should i just sign up for lessons? go and learn something... but then, learning won't take the whole time, what am i supposed to do during all that spare time? if i'm going to take many many lessons to take up all that time, hey, it's going to take money... i don't really want to start working yet cos i know i'm going to have to work all my life (provided i can even get a job). yet i also think i shouldn't be wasting my time here doing useless things like watching tv all day long. maybe it's peer pressure, knowing your friends are doing something about planning their holidays. why am i so slow in doing these sort of things? how about part time? er, part time is always long term... what am i gonna do?!... i can't always hide within the safety of my home. i can't always lock myself within the misleading thought that i'm good at all i do, which is basically only studying. i'm probably good at nothing else. i can't keep thinking that i can do things on my own, because bi almost always want to have company, and i'm so dependent on others. welcome to reality my dear... i hate this. i hate growing up. i hate facing reality. i know studying is the best, cos there's no other worries. i've always known that and appreciated that. but so what? it's not going to help me in doing anything in future. i've been looking forward to my holidays, only to find that it really sucks... i don't want this... what am i to do???... certain people are irritating me for no particular reason. i mean nothing to them even if they constantly harp on the "importance of friendship". don't give me that crap. if friendship was so important, you won't be treating me this way. very nice. they say "i appreciate a friend who finds time for me on his calendar, but i treasure a friend who for me does not consult his calendar". these people, won't even consult their calendars to find time. so much for "treasuring my friends"... ok. looks like i can't run away from this. i'm talking like petty girls!!! yucks! i don't wanna be like that... does it make it any better if i just keep it here as grumbling and not go about singing about it? :weak attempt to smile: /*****************************************************************/ american idol tonight, top 6. george, john, diana, jasmine, fantasia, latoya. i believe the two "divas" will be safe. after landing in the bottom three, you can't go in there again... people don't land there for two consecutive weeks... george is gonna be fine i think. which means you have the three little kids inside... no prize for guessing who's probably getting kicked out. posted by Yee 6:38 PM . . .
